Meet the Cat Yoga Squad

  • The interesting looking gentleman in the top hat is Mr. Cat Yoga. For the record, Mr. Cat Yoga is the reclusive founder of THE CAT YOGA INSTITUTE FOR EXTRATERRESTRIAL FELINES.

    The felines at the Institute are the original descendants of a lost colony of extraterrestrial, Inter-Galactic space cats who crash-landed on Earth 10,000 yrs ago.

    Mr. Cat Yoga was the headmaster at the Cat Yoga Institute. His attorneys state that he had agreed to testify before a select congressional committee in Washington, DC on the day that he was killed.

    The only witness present was the institutes official cat translator. A young woman named Sally who saw her boss trampled by a herd of rogue elephants who escaped from the Los Angeles Zoo.

    During their dramatic escape from the L.A. Zoo, the freedom seeking elephants also knocked over streetlights and telephone poles. Three of them landed on Mr. Cat Yoga in rapid succession causing catastrophic and fatal injuries.

    The Los Angeles Times has reported that a security camera captured a Steinway Grand piano that accidentally fell or was intentionally pushed from the 39th floor of a penthouse balcony which landed on the pachyderm trampled Cat Yoga sensei-master. The Los Angeles police are calling the death a possible suicide.

    At the time of his death, Mr. Cat Yoga was predeceased by a former spouse and has no known children according to a report by Maury Povich.

Previews from a soon-to-be graphic novel titled the ‘Cat Yoga Squad’.

  • A statuesque computer hacker with a PhD in feline biology, Sally is the official translator for THE CAT YOGA INSTITUTE FOR EXTRATERRESTRIAL FELINES.

    Fanatical about her privacy, all personal information such as her age, birthplace and marital status remain unknown. Sally does admit to wearing a six 6 bowling shoe. Documents leaked to TMZ indicate she was born with the rare ability to speak fluently with cats, birds, and bottle nose dolphins.

    Sally lives with a male ginger cat named Wilbur who lost his tail in a skydiving accident. She is often described as being the smartest person in the room and has an incredible sense of humor.

    Rumored to be the offspring of traveling carnival workers, Sally was abandoned on the doorstep of an orphanage in Alaska where she nearly froze to death. As a teenager she was often observed riding her skateboard with Wilbur in front of the orphanage.

    Sally set a world record for going 185 miles per hour on an electric powered skateboard designed by Elon Musk. It was destroyed after its self-driving technology failed, causing her to crash into a corner lemonade stand.

  • Wilbur, a middle-aged male ginger cat with a one-inch nub of a tail has been Sally’s roommate and constant companion his entire life.

    The trauma of losing most of his tail is thought to be the root cause of his aversion to using the litter box.

    Mr. Cat Yoga was able to use past life regression to prove that Wilbur suffered from a neurotic fear that his litter box was filled with deadly quicksand.

    After years of treatment, Wilbur was able to use most conventional litter boxes and he has been traveling extensively throughout Europe using a plasma powered skateboard that he built himself.

    Sally is his biggest supporter even though he beat her record for the world’s fastest skateboard.

    Wilbur is known to be friendly, generous to a fault and has the innate ability to reverse engineer any technical device and rebuild it from scratch.

  • According to Wikipedia, the Mitzrian man is a sub-human, troll-like creature long thought to be nothing more than an urban myth.

    As the legend goes, the Mitzrian man carries an aluminum bucket of glue, seeking out rude, nasty and misbehaving children in their bedrooms in the dead of night. Once he finds such a child, he uses his wallpaper brush to apply copious amounts of glue to the top of their head and sticks them to the ceilings of their bedrooms.

    The following morning when they fall to the floor, they discover that they have a large hairless spot in the center of their scalp rendering them permanently scarred with a bald patch for life.

    The haunting sound these horrified children will remember hearing for the rest of their lives is the clip-clop noise his peg legs make every time he takes a step.

    As strange as it sounds, the Mitzrian man has never been blamed for injuring or harming animals of any kind. There are stories of eyewitnesses who have reported seeing the Mitzrian man coming to the aid of small forest creatures in distress. These apocryphal reports remain unsubstantiated despite numerous witness statements.

  • Truffles was one of the first Cat Yoga Squad members to take up a permanent residence in THE CAT YOGA INSTITUTE FOR EXTRATERRESTRIAL FELINES.

    Truffles is fearless and unflinching in dangerous situations. Despite losing her left paw to a rare form

    of childhood bone cancer as a young kitten, she can climb to dizzying heights. She is able to accomplish this using a prosthetic left paw made with a home-made 3-D printer that Wilbur invented.

    Truffles can often be found climbing on the outside of extremely tall buildings to escape predators and to avoid religious evangelists carrying copies of the WATCH TOWER.

    She can cause her prehensile tail to rapidly grow to a length of 20 meters aka 65.618 feet. Truffles received an award from the mayor after using tail to rescue several youngsters who were trapped at the bottom of a very deep sinkhole.

    Truffles has a history of fighting back against bullies and will not tolerate anyone trying to bother someone who appears to be defenseless.

    She is very sensitive and was ordered by the court to enter rehab several times during the past year for a dependency on high grade medical catnip.

  • Rootin-Tootin is a beautiful Maine Coon cat who sounds like a reverberant, ear-splitting foghorn when she begins to meow.

    She was liberated from a death camp of an animal shelter in Downey, California approximately 8 years ago. Her personal savior turned out to be one of the most highly decorated undercover operatives on the force, known only by the name of Special Agent D.G.Wilson.

    Special Agent Wilson is a highly trained undercover stealth operative who managed to secure the release of thousands of young kittens, stray cats and seriously ill felines. Most of these carnivorous mammals were due to be euthanized on the very day they escaped.

    Rootin-Tootin is an inspiration to all those who meet her. She was sent to live with Ese, a short hair all black male cat who has battled kidney disease for close to nine years. While Ese is having his ringers lactate administered, Rootin-Tootin will quietly and patiently wait by his side until the moment the needle is removed. Once this occurs she will begin to groom Ese and will continue to lick his neck and shoulders until they are both given a treat consisting of some Gerber’s chicken baby food.

    NOTE: Most veterinarians say that a few tablespoons of baby food can make an excellent treat for cats. It must be Gerber’s and you must only use the chicken favored jar. The other flavors can contain lemon juice, etc. DO NOT USE Ham, Beef, Turkey or any other flavor other than chicken.

  • Robo Cat CYS-001 was a terrestrial explorer robot built by a team of CAT YOGA SQUAD members. Its primary function was to be a vertically articulated cylindrical assassin. Not long after arriving on Earth, the biggest challenge these extraterrestrial felines had to overcome was the negative effects that resulted from a gravitational acceleration that resulted from their home planets larger mass.

    Although both planets had a similar tilt in their rotational axes, the gravity on their home planet was a fraction of what it was on Earth.

    While the members of the Cat Yoga Squad experienced a variety of unusual ailments and had a difficult time physically adjusting, their advanced technology meant that that they had no natural enemies.

    The discovery of catnip, a plant that was unknown in their solar system had a debilitating effect on their primary abilities. This discovery ultimately led to the creation of the first Robo Cat CYS-001 series which allowed them to sleep most of day, while these robotic felines did most of the hard work they needed to do to survive.

  • ROBO CAT CYS-002 also known as the Hoover Roomba Droid was designed to fly autonomously using advanced software-controlled flight plans that were light years ahead of our comparably primitive technology. It appeared to work in conjunction with a system of onboard AI sensors that used a superior global positioning system (GPS).

    In addition to data acquisition, these compact Hybrid Robots were used to conduct a series of biological experiments. In spite of them being the smallest in size of the Robo Cat series they contained an incredibly large variety of advanced weaponry not found anywhere on Earth.

    The Robo Cat CYS-002 model was capable of performing a wide range of tasks using advanced AI technology while being protected by a network of sophisticated weapons.

    An offensive weapon by design, it was capable of deceptively spying on the enemy while posing as a vacuum cleaning robot. These particular Robo Cats contained weapons of potentially mass planetary destruction that were deemed too powerful to be used on our water-based planet.

  • Rando is a North American Blue Jay AKA Cyanocitta cristata and the first bird to be admitted into MENSA. He speaks 15 languages and was home schooled until he enrolled in Harvard.

    After changing from a court reporter to an award winning court stenographer, a few judges were able to recall how difficult it was for Rando in the beginning. Laughter during a court proceeding is frowned upon and Rando would frequently upset the judge by asking the witness during the swearing in procedure to place his wing on the bible.

    Rando hired two members of Johnny Depp’s legal team, Camille Vasquez and Ben Chew to file a Defamation - Defecation suit similar to the historic case in which Amber Heard took a massive dump in Johnny Depp’s bed.

    In addition to winning multiple awards `for assisting in live television & close captioning while creating forums for the deaf. Rando was involved a minor scandal after a federal judge found him in contempt of court for doing something “dirty" to his car windshield.

    The judge issued a formal apology from the bench and stated that he was only joking when he told Rando that the early bird gets the worm.

    CORRECTIONS - We incorrectly reported that Rando spoke 15 languages. The correct amount is 14 since he is no longer fluent in ASL, the American Sign Language for the Deaf. Now that he is older an abundance of feathers has made it too difficult for others to interpret the signs he makes.